My Guiding Light
by BlazedToker
Summary: The year is 1959, Edward, a high school senior, has been tormented with dreams of girls chasing him. The only peace he finds is knowing that at then end of the never ending road waits a mysterious figure with golden hair. M/M Rated M for future lemons
1. Chapter 1

My Guiding Light

A ray of golden sun lay at the end of a never ending road while all around me, girls skipped along. Some laughed with their girlfriends as they twirled their fingers through their hair, which had been pulled back into tight ponytails. Poodle skirts swayed in the wind as I ran passed them.

I'd been there before, running through the town full of woman. It was everything a regular hormonal boy like me could want—a typical Fat City. Yet, for me, it was a nightmare; I couldn't seem to get out of there quick enough. As soon as I passed by them, they immediately stopped what they were doing. Hula hoopers stopped, their rings frozen for a second in the air only to fall on the ground with a light thump as feminine hips stopped moving. Hop scotch grids were left behind as were the latest issue of whatever teen magazine the girls were into at the time. All of their activities were dropped and for what?

Me.

"Edward! It's Edward!" they screamed as they all formed a mob, chasing after me as if I were the great Elvis Presley.

"Edward! Edward! Edward! Edward!"

It seemed like I would never make it away. Hauling ass, I pushed myself to run faster and faster. The sky grew darker and darker but one thing kept me sane, one thing and one thing alone—a figure with sun for hair, bright and gleaming.

My lighthouse… my beacon… my guiding light.

"Edward! Edward!" Their screams mingled now with a familiar voice.

Everything grew darker and darker; the light seemed to dissipate as a different light took over.

"Edward, darling, wake up sweetie," my mother called from downstairs. She had a soft gentle voice and yet it carried through the house with enough potency to filter through my door and into my room. My eyes fluttered open and then closed immediately as the bright sun blinded me. I rubbed my eyes and mumbled my curses at the sun. It taunted me and only reminded me that once again I didn't reach the end of the road. My eyes ached in protest, begging me to cease my actions.

It took a lot to get myself out of bed because I knew what the day was. As I walked toward my closet door, I stared at the calendar but seeing the date only made my dread more real. _June 1, 1959 was my birthday. _I sighed, resigned by the fact that I would have girls fawning all over me.

"Great," I scoffed.

Ever since childhood, I was the kind of person that everyone wanted to be around. I always had a group of buddies that swarmed around me like flies. It was great; our days were filled with games and laughter. That, along with pummeling the occasional geek, was what took over my childhood. Things were great until puberty hit and then girls wanted to be around me, too; it was horrible.

My buddies suddenly had no problem dropping our plans whenever a chick came along. I never understood why I didn't wanted to be around the girls. They just seemed so delicate and smelled too sweet. It made my nose burn and it took a lot to hide the look of distaste whenever they crowded me and my buddies.

I also couldn't explain why I wanted to be around my buddies all the time or why I always instigated reasons to wrestle with them on the ground.

The answer stuck out to me instantly during mandatory showers after my first day of freshman P.E. It was pure torture, having to focus on the wall in front of me when all I really wanted to do was look at the naked figure of my longtime pal, Emmett McCarty. His body had started to change from boy to man and I wanted nothing more than to explore the planes of his body with my finger. That thought alone scared the wits out of me.

Laughing, I scoffed at the memory and shook my head. I was thankful to be over my pubescent stage. I undressed as I made my way toward the bathroom and couldn't help but look at myself in the mirror. In a completely superficial way, I was able to understand why Emmett and I where Top Cats at Forks High. We were both on the football team and my body, although less bulky than Emmett, shined with the glory of muscles. Girls wanted us, they wanted me.

Emmett had been through all the paper shakers at school and was going steady with Miss Rosalie Hale. She and Emmett were perfect for each other considering they were both superficial and in it for the popularity. The gal was stacked and Emmett, from what I attained by the few stolen glances in the school showers, was packing heat of his own. It was the classic head cheerleader and school quarter back pairing that we have long since come to expect.

You'd think the fact that I was the only football player in the school who had yet to score with a girl and there were only a couple of weeks before graduation would have made me a total outcast but it didn't. That title went to Jasper Whitlock who'd been a social outcast since kindergarten. If I remembered correctly, he fell victim to me and my buddies quite often whenever we felt the need to let out some steam and pound on a geek or two.

The guys had lost interest in pounding him when they discovered girls. The year was 1953 and we were all around thirteen or fourteen years old when the first issue of Playboy came out. I shuddered at the memory of seeing those women with their naked lady parts hanging out.

I can't begin to tell you how many times I would be so close to reaching my climax while imagining the guys in the locker room when out of nowhere an image of one of those woman would flash in my mind and womp, good bye erection.

"Edward, you're going to be late!"

Shit, I cursed at myself as I turned on the shower and jumped in as soon as the water was warm enough. Lathering my hands in soap, I rubbed my hands over my body. I stifled a moan as I grabbed ahold of my cock and held back a laugh as I gently squeezed my hardening flesh.

"Happy Birthday, Edward," I whispered, giving myself a gift.

All traces of humor left my face as I leaned my back against the tile wall of the shower. Images of Emmett's hard, chiseled body, wet and covered in soapsuds, filled my mind. He called me over by crooking his finger, teasing me as he licked his lips. My hand sped up, twisting at the head and I moaned as I pictured Emmett dropping to his knees. In my mind, his head bobbed up and down my cock as my hands make their way to his short hair.

"Jasper…" I whispered as hair changed, growing in length and turning a lighter shade. His head continued to bob up and down, taking me deeper into his throat. Biting my lip as I shot jet after jet of warm seed, it occurred to me that I didn't shoot to images of Emmett like I usually did.

I, Edward Cullen, reached climax on account of one Jasper Whitlock.

After I had stepped out of the shower, I seemed to have fallen into a zombie daze. How I was able to get dressed, eat breakfast and drive to school all in one piece is nothing short of a miracle. My mother had to have noticed I was out of it because she stopped singing her own rendition of Happy Birthday to me after the fourth verse.

"Daddy-O! What's buzzin, cuzzin?" shouted Emmett's booming voice as he grabbed me from behind. His form of greeting me hadn't changed since we were kids. With his arm around my neck, he brought my head down and roughly rubbed his knuckles into my head. Any regular guy would have blown a gasket at that with the majority of guys sporting the James Dean look— may his soul rest in peace. God knows I tried fixing my unruly hair into the same style only to be met with disappointment. My hair chose, much like me, not to conform to society's expectations.

Laughter escaped my lips at his attempt to wrestle me to the ground. Leave it to Em to want to show he was top cat in town on my birthday.

Our bodies moved to the ground as he tried to pin me down. He had the strength of a bear, while I had the speed of a wild cat, which is why he's quarterback and I'm the running back. Everything was going great until _he_ came along. Walking by with his thick rimmed glasses, hair matted down with gel and a plaid shirt clad with the chess team's jacket.

"Enough, Emmett!" I scowled as he tried tackling me after it was clear that I was no longer invested in our childish game.

"Whoa, Big Daddy, don't have a cow; I was only foolin'!" He smiled as he held his palms up slowly backing away as if he were afraid of me or at least I thought he did. I wasn't focused on him at that moment. I couldn't seem to tear my eyes away from Jasper.

Why? Why now? I've know the gee... the guy practically my entire life. Why was I noticing him suddenly? Could it be that I was so unbelievably shallow that I only began to notice him because the image of him taking my manhood into his mouth made me climax earlier? Jasper... Jasper... Jasper. I couldn't look away from him. How is it that I never noticed just how beautiful he really is? His hair seemed to shine brightly in the sun, almost as if it sparkled. He was sitting under the tree with his friends, talking and laughing. Wow, did his laugh always sound so angelic? Did his nose always crinkle in that cute little way whenever he laughed?

"Edward, what's wrong?" Emmett asked as he stood in front of me, blocking my view of the gee... of Jasper.

"Wooot! Wooot!" I didn't have to look at them to know who those shouts belonged to. Riley, Garrett, Mike, James, and Alec approached us.

Their greetings of punches and backslaps did nothing to distract me from Jasper, who I had perfect view of again after Emmett moved to greet the guys.

"What's wrong with him?" someone asked as he waved his hand in front of my eyes.

"I don't know," Emmett replied as he finally turned to see who I was looking at.

At that point Jasper's friends had left, leaving him behind. He sat reading some book underneath the tree as he fanned himself with his free hand. He was wearing long sleeves in June which just seemed weird to me.

"I think I know what Edward wants for his birthday!" The guys laughed as they stood in front of me, their faces all masked in humor and mischief.

"You want a little trip down memory lane?" James asked as he cracked his knuckles. "Let's beat the geek for Edward's big day!" He chuckled as he playfully punched my shoulder. All around me, the guys seemed to be in agreement.

Was that what they thought I wanted? _NO! Not him! Why? Why did I have to stare at him for so long? What do I do? Damn, what should I do? _I thought to myself, trying to figure it out.

I followed behind quietly, not knowing what to do as the guys crept closer and closer to him. I could see the fear in his eyes as he saw the group walking toward him. James punched his open palm with his fist as the other guys surrounded Jasper.

"Well… Well… Well… what have we got here?" James sneered as Jasper dropped his copy of Shakespeare's Macbeth to the ground. His palms were flat against the tree, as if he was trying to mold himself to it in an attempt to escape the beating that was practically inevitable.

"H-H-Hiya F-F... Hiya fellas," Jasper stuttered as he looked at us with fear.

James walked over to Jasper, an evil mocking smile spread across his face as he grabbed Jasper's glasses right off of his face, only to put them on. In an act so cruel and degrading, he walked around with slouched shoulders, mocking him. "H-H-H-Hiya F-F-Fellas, w-w-wasn't last week's math exam the bees knees? I-I-I love chess, don't you fellas?" He went on and on, the other guys encouraging him, laughing at how Jasper's bottom lip quivered. His eyes shimmered with tears that were close to spilling.

"You know what you are, Jasper?" James asked as he walked toward him. "You want to know why my uncle left you and your mother?" He sneered at him. A crowd began to surround us, all interested in Jasper's humiliation. "Do you all want to know why he left?" he asked as he spoke to the crowd.

Jasper was at a loss for words as tears spilled down his face.

All the while, I internally cursed myself. _'This is getting out of hand... Do something... Stop this... You're yella… A poor excuse for a man... Do something... just fucking do something.'_

The sound of Jasper's cries brought me out of my trance as I saw him holding his stomach as he bent over, his face grimacing in pain. "His daddy left him and his mother because Jasper Whitlock is a cock sucker."

All around laughter rose from the masses. Jasper tried running away only to be pushed from guy to guy until he fell back into the center, just under the tree.

James continued his verbal assault on Jasper. "Isn't that why you wear long sleeves all the time? Cuz your daddy beat the hell outta you when he found out you were a fairy, sissy boy!" Jasper winced at the words and pulled his arms into his chest.

"You all may ask how I know this?" James taunted as he tossed Jasper back his glasses.

"P-p-p-l… please don't tell them," Jasper stuttered as he cried. His eyes looked deep into my own and my heart stopped. I had to stop it; I couldn't let it go on. That wasn't who I was, it wasn't me and I was sick of it.

All my life I was looking, searching for something that gave me the strength to make it to the end of the frivolous road of lies that was my life. And there it stood before me, right in the middle of the circle. It was Jasper, whose hair reflected the sun like a lighthouse, that was leading me out of the dark abyss. The way he looked at me with pain in his eyes and with fear at the same time snapped something inside of me.

"His father caught him pleasuring himself and shouting Edward Cullen's name!" James threw his head back in a laugh so evil that it made my face scrunch in anger.

"Come and throw the first punch, Edward!" James called to me, obviously misreading the loathing look on my face.

"Beat the geek... Beat the geek... Beat the geek…" The chants of the crowd only grew louder and louder. Faculty members, who had been on their way to stop the spectacle, froze in their paths and walked back into the school as soon as they heard why Jasper's father had left. Bigoted, close-minded idiots, all of them! The anger pushed me forward just in time to see James holding onto Jasper as Emmett was preparing to throw the first punch.

"Stop!" I shouted, my fist making contact with Emmett's face before he could touch Jasper. He looked at me, shock spread across his face as blood dripped down his nose.

"Let him go now!" I shouted as I walked toward James and lost it. Just looking into his face, I couldn't control myself and I began to pummel him. The guys tried pulling me off of James all to no avail; he had to pay for what he put Jasper through.

"No… Good... Hateful... Loser…" I shouted as my fists punctuated each word on his face. The crowd dispersed and teachers came running. Coach Masen was the only one able to pull me off James.

"What's wrong with you? You're going to throw your life away for some fairy?" Emmett shouted as I pushed past him, kneeling down to extend my hand to Jasper, who was also sporting a look of shock on his face.

"Are you okay?" I asked, drying the small trace of tears from his face as I wrapped my arms around him. "I'll take care of you, don't worry."

"Are you going to hit me?" He spoke clearly.

"No, why would you think that?" Concern laced my voice as I looked into his eyes.

Emmett, along with my ex-friends, looked upon us as Alec and Mike helped James to his feet.

"Aren't you disgusted? Didn't you hear what James said?" he asked. The look of fear had yet to leave his eyes.

"I did and I don't care. I-I=I…" I tried to speak. I was the one who had fear bubbling inside me then. What I was about to do would not only alienate me from my family and friends, but society itself. I was on the verge of backing down; cowardice was taking over and I was losing the will.

"Edward, are you okay?"

That was all it took, his voice and his beautiful blue eyes as they looked into mine to sealed the deal.

"I don't care because I'm the same way and it was your name I recently screamed as I pleasured myself."

If no one else was shocked up until that point, they definitely were now. While I led Jasper toward my car, I was stopped by a pair of hands holding my throat tightly.

"Watch your back," came James' voice from behind. "You and that little nancy boy will regret this."

His insult fell on silent ears, I wasn't afraid of him. "Come on, baby, let me take you home."

After helping him inside the passenger side of the car, I hurried toward the driver's side, put it in drive and left the old me behind. I looked to my right, toward Jasper who seemed comfortable enough to trust me while he closed his eyes and slept.

The decision I'd made would alter my life in a huge way. I'd no longer be top cat in the town and I couldn't have cared less. As long as I had Jasper with me, if he wanted me that is, I would be okay. He was my guiding light, my lighthouse… the bright future that I was heading toward was with him.

Lost again in my thoughts, I was brought out of it by feeling Jasper snuggle his head on my chest. "Happy Birthday, Edward."

1950's Slang

-Fat City: A great thing or place  
>-Paper Shaker: Cheerleader<br>-Stacked: A well-endowed woman  
>-Daddy-O: Term of Address<br>-What's buzzin, cuzzin?: What's new buddy?


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I apologize for forgetting to add an Author's note to the first chapter of My Guiding Light. I was so excited to get the chapter out and posted that I completely looked past it. So on that note, I would like to thank JasperLuver48, my beta and one of the coolest girls I've met. It was a chance meeting and I am grateful for it. A friendship has developed from it. The same sentiments go to Emmaleerose, my pre-reader, who I've grown to see as a great friend too. Another chance meeting for which I am very grateful. Thank you so very much ladies. To the people who've reviewed, I want to thank you as well. Sorry that I haven't thanked you all personally, I've just been working a whole lot and found it difficult to do so. So I thank you all very much**

**Disclaimer: As you can plainly see, I don't claim ownership to the Twilight Saga or to these characters. I just enjoy moving them around and pairing them as M/M couples. **

**-Please be so kind as to review. I would love to read your input!**

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><p>Chapter 2<p>

My father barely looked at me when I got home with Jasper, beaten and asleep in my arms. My parents had obviously been informed of the little incident at school and were waiting for me.

"Take him upstairs to my office; I'll meet you there in a few minutes," was all he said to me as soon as my mother opened the door and let me inside. As hard as it must have been for my father to look at me, it was equally hard to look into the eyes of my mother and see the pain spread across her face. She was crying, I didn't need to see her face to confirm that. I already knew she was and probably had been since being informed that her son outed himself in front of the entire school.

"Edward?" Jasper's voice cracked with sleepiness as I laid him on my father couch. "Where am I?" He winced as he tried to sit up.

"Shhh… everything's okay! Lay still." I soothed him with a gentle smile on my face as I brushed my fingers through his hair. He smiled at my touch and turned his cheek into my palm as if acting upon instinct. "I brought you to my house. I didn't think that the hospital would be a good idea considering that James was taken there." I shrugged, not wanting to mention what we both already knew. Nodding his head as he wiped away a tear, he cleared his throat. "Yeah, I know. They wouldn't give a flying squirrel about me."

He shook his head and whatever thoughts were running through his mind at that moment I couldn't tell, all I knew was that he was trying to suppress the tears that were streaming down his face. "They'll all fawn over him and make him out to be some fallen hero who was only trying to rid our little town of the geeky heathen."

I didn't know what came over me at that moment, but hearing him talk like that, referring to himself as a heathen, set off something inside of me. "Don't you ever refer to yourself as that again, do you hear me?" I grabbed his face, looking into his eyes intensely. "I can't really explain my feelings and attraction toward you right now, it's all so new to me, but if there's one thing that I am absolutely positive of is that you are not a heathen... and neither am I."

"I-I-I... I never meant to call you a heathen, Edward!" Jasper again tried to sit up in an attempt to get my attention and explain himself.

"I told you to lie down!" I chuckled slightly at the way he stuttered, it was almost cute since he was no longer in any danger. "I know you didn't call me that... I just don't like hearing you bring yourself down like that.

"Why not?" he asked as he looked away from me. "I know what people think about me and what they've said about me since we were little kids." He shrugged as he looked up and tears were threatening to spill from the corner once again. "I don't care… it's just..."

He looked like he was trying to say something difficult. He was nervous and I could tell it was taking a lot out of him to open up. "I don't mean to bring myself down…" He fidgeted with his fingers as he tried to find the courage to open himself to me. I honestly couldn't blame him; I hadn't been the best behaved person toward him and I was seriously regretting it. "My father would always bring me down—ever since I can remember." Lost in his own memories he fixed his eyes on the ceiling. "He would always compare me to you guys when we were younger. I knew he wasn't happy with me and because of that my parents fought a lot." Jasper, being the sweet sentimental creature that he was, wiped away the few tears that were glistening in the corner of his eye. "Things were bad, but bearable... at least until he caught me... well, you know… James announced it out loud for everyone to hear."

It was then that James and the afternoon's events replayed in my mind.

_James continued his verbal assault on Jasper. "Isn't that why you wear long sleeves all the time? 'Cause your daddy beat the hell outta you when he found out you were a fairy, sissy boy!" Jasper winced at the words and pulled his arms into his chest._

_"You all may ask how I know this?" James taunted as he tossed Jasper back his glasses._

_"P-p-p-l… please don't tell them," Jasper stuttered as he cried. His eyes looked deep into my own and my heart stopped. I had to stop it; I couldn't let it go on. That wasn't who I was, it wasn't me and I was sick of it._

_All my life I was looking, searching for something that gave me the strength to make it to the end of the frivolous road of lies that was my life. And there it stood before me, right in the middle of the circle. It was Jasper, whose hair reflected the sun like a lighthouse, that was leading me out of the dark abyss. The way he looked at me with pain in his eyes and with fear at the same time snapped something inside of me._

_"His father caught him pleasuring himself and shouting Edward Cullen's name!" James threw his head back in a laugh so evil that it made my face scrunch in anger._

His father. I looked down at Jasper who had his arms wrapped around his waist as if he were trying to hold himself together.

"He really did beat you, didn't he?" I asked with sadness in my voice.

It was then that Jasper broke. He covered his face as cries of anguish ripped through the room. I'd seen him cry before, hell I'd seen him cry numerous times that day, but it had never like that. I felt so incredibly helpless as I cradled him in my arms gently so that I wouldn't cause him any more pain. I was thankful that my father had bought a couch big enough for two. Lying next to him, I pulled him onto my chest, letting him wet my shirt with his tears and running nose.

I tried my best to hold back my anger. Jasper didn't need to see that as he had experienced enough for one day. Try as I might though I couldn't control the hate that I felt toward his father. I wanted to get my hands on him, just for a second or two.

"Edward, is everything alright," Jasper asked as he looked up at me.

"I'm sorry I stayed on you too long," he said in a low voice as he attempted to pull himself up. Obviously he'd misread my face. Holding on to him a bit more forcefully than I'd wanted to, I pulled him back into my chest. "You silly boy, you could never be in my arms for too long," I chuckled, trying only to lighten the mood of the room that was getting rather heavy.

"Let me see you, Jasper." The look of confusion on his face would have made me melt were it any other moment. He looked simply beautiful.

"What do you mean, can't you see me?"

The clearing of my father's throat distracted us; I didn't know how long he had been on the other side of the door. It wasn't like him to take a long time to get to his office, especially when there was someone that needed tending to. Turning my head to look at the clock on the wall, I realized that we had been alone in his office for about thirty minutes. Yes, I knew it then, my father had been listening the whole time.

Jasper quickly tried to assume a sitting position as my father walked in and I could see the pain shoot through him.

"I-I-I..." Jasper stuttered in nervousness once again. "I'm sorry Mr. Cullen!" He grimaced at the shock of pain that coursed through him.

"Lie still, son…" My father kneeled in front of Jasper. "I'm sure you can really feel that hit that your cousin gave you; I need to check if there is any bruising to the ribs."

Turning to me, my father asked, "Can you please step outside, I'm sure Jasper would appreciate a bit of privacy."

Jasper nodded without making eye contact with me. He's a smart guy and I was sure that he had figured out what I meant when I'd asked him to show himself to me. I wanted to see what his father did to him, what he was covering up. He was trying to prevent me from seeing it, of that I was sure. Respecting his wishes for the moment, I stepped outside and closed the door behind me. He could have his privacy as my father checked up on him, but as soon as that was over I would get him alone.

I must have dozed off for a while because the next thing I knew my father was shaking me awake. Having sat on the floor beside his office door it was easy for him to spot me.

"He wants to see you, son," my father whispered as he offered me his hand. As he pulled me up on my feet, he sighed deeply. His eyes were almost sad for a moment before a slow smile spreads across his face. "Go on in; we'll talk soon," he whispered again as he placed a kiss on my forehead.

I stood there frozen as he walked into his bedroom. My father hadn't kissed my forehead since I was a child. I wondered what had brought that on… Taking a deep breath, suddenly nervous to see him I took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Swell way to spend your special day huh, birthday boy?" he teased as he tried to sit up.

"How are you feeling?" I asked with concern. I noticed that he grimaced in pain again, though not as badly as before. "I'm alright, your father says I have some slight bruising but on a luckier note, my ribs are fine and dandy." He genuinely smiled at me.

"Jasper," I said again as I knelt in front of him just like my father had done earlier. "Will you please take off your shirt; I'd like to see what your father did to you."

Jasper's lips trembled. He closed his eyes as he tried to fight back tears again.

Damn, why did it seem like I was always pressing a button to make him cry?

"I have to go," Jasper said suddenly as he stood up from the couch. "Jasper, wait..." I called for him as I chased him out the door. "Please…" I shouted.

"N-N-No, I have to go," Jasper stuttered as he placed his hand on the door knob.

"I really don't think it's safe for you to go walking the streets alone, Jasper; at least let me drive you home."

"Okay…" he agreed quietly.

"This isn't the way to my house," Jasper complained as he looked around. "Where are you taking me?"

"Shhh… it's okay," I whispered as I grabbed his hand. "I just want to take you somewhere."

"Where?" he asked, his voice trembling.

"My special spot, we could have walked since it's only about a mile or so into the woods behind my house, but I knew that you wouldn't come any other way." I smiled at him as I pulled him closer to me.

Where the sudden disregard for the fear and unease I'd felt before came from, I didn't know but the longer that I held onto Jasper, the more a sense of peace and bravery overcame me.

It didn't take long for us to reach my meadow and the sun was close to setting, coloring the sky in an amazing collage of pinks, oranges, reds, and bluish purples.

"Wow, it's so serene here, so breathtaking," Jasper whispered as he lifted his head from my chest to look around. "Come on, let's go lay on the grass." Without giving him a chance to reply I opened my door and ran to the back. Popping the trunk, I pulled out the blanket that I always carry with me. The days were rare when I was able to get away from it all and go out to be alone with my thoughts.

Scoffing at the irony, I realized that I would have all the time in the world since my social calendar was completely clear, at least where it concerned my old friends. My Jasper calendar would be fully booked if he so desired.

Opening the passenger door to let him out, I gently took a hold of his hand and lead him into the middle of my small but cozy meadow.

After I spread the blanket out, I sat down on it and patted the spot between my legs, hoping to god that he wouldn't freak out. I'd seen guys sit with their girls this way and I thought I'd give it a try. I really wanted to have him in my arms where I was sure he would be safe and sound.

Smiling when he sat down, I ran my hands up and down his arms. Leaning down to his ear, I whispered quietly, "Show me, please?"


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I like to thank the people who reviewed these past two chapters. It makes me glad to see that you guys and gals are taking an interest in these boys. Sorry that it's taken me a while to get CH 3 out. It may sound crazy but I kind of had an argument with my Jasper. He wanted me to get his story out there, and I shuddered at the thought of what his father did to him and wanted to cut it out. He wasn't having that and so Jasper and Edward haven't talked to me in a while. They have however done so today, so to stop going on and on, here is Ch3.

By the way, I had to change POV's in this chapter so we will get to see inside Jasper's head.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight Saga or any of her characters. What I do seem to own is a longing for Jackson Rathbone and Robert Pattinson to make a Romance Drama M/M movie.

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

**EPOV**

_Opening the passenger door to let him out, I gently took a hold of his hand and lead him into the middle of my small but cozy meadow. _

_After I spread the blanket out, I sat down on it and patted the spot between my legs, hoping to god that he wouldn't freak out. I'd seen guys sit with their girls this way and I thought I'd give it a try. I really wanted to have him in my arms where I was sure he would be safe and sound._

_Smiling when he sat down, I ran my hands up and down his arms. Leaning down to his ear, I whispered quietly, "Show me, please?" _

Jasper froze at the sound of my request. His body turned completely frigid, almost as if he'd seen a ghost. His breathing, which up until that point was even and at peace, had appeared to have ceased. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know that he was in complete and utter shock. Damn it, why did I have to push him on the situation. What gave me the right? I had tormented him since childhood with beatings and laughed as he ran off crying to his mother, followed by acting as if he didn't even exist up until today, when I finally saw the light and realized who I was.

It was rather funny how I appeared very blasé about my coming out. I wasn't; I was scared. My fear however wasn't important at that point in time. I didn't see the point in worrying about the whole situation when I had something, or rather, someone else's fears to tend to.

Did I really expect him to forget everything that I'd done to him and place an unbreakable bond of trust on me and tell me everything that his father did to him? Heck, we really only started talking that day and I was already acting as if I had some claim on him. Don't think me ungrateful, I'm definitely not complaining; I couldn't begin to tell you how amazing it felt to have Jasper lay his head on my chest. Words couldn't even begin to express all the feelings that coursed through my body whenever he touched me.

"Edward?" His voice broke me out of my own mind yet again.

My arms latched onto him tighter when I felt him trying to untangle himself from my arms. _No… No… No… Nice job, Edward, you scared him off. Why in God's name did you have to be so pushy? Look what you've done, he's leaving. _

My stomach seemed to be doing somersaults as I continued my hold on him, not wanting to let him go. I didn't want to think of how it would feel to lose him when I'd just gotten him. No, I couldn't lose him.

"E-E-Ed… Edward let go p-p-please?"

"No, Jasper, I'm so sorry for pushing you and I promise I won't ask you again. I just… I just want to know what he did to you; I know I have no right to know. Heck, me and the guys used to beat you to. I ignored you and acted as if you didn't even exist from the time we reached adolescences until now. I don't deserve to know, at least not now. But please don't go; please don't leave. I won't ask again, just please stay."

I didn't care that I sounded as if I were crazy or that at that very moment I was holding onto him for dear life as he lay still and shocked at my outburst. I was holding on, screaming as if I were begging the executioner to give me another chance, to spare me my life. Because I was, Jasper was my life. I knew I sounded like some love-crazed chick but it wasn't like that. Jasper was my life in the sense that he brought it meaning; he brought colors and vigor to it. I wasn't aware of the half-life I had been living. I had him right then and there was no way I was letting him go.

"Edward," Jasper whispered my name, his fingers gently stopping my lips from blabbering words that must have made me sound like a complete lunatic to him. I wouldn't have been surprised if I had him running back toward my house screaming in fear to tell my dad that his once All-American Varsity football playing son had gone from man to chick before his very eyes.

"Edward, I just want to get up t-t-to show you." His eyes looked deeply into mine with such an intensity that left me frozen where I sat.

Jasper's hands went straight to the top button of his shirt. His head dropped down as he tried to catch his breath. "Jasper, you don't have to do this if you don't want to," I tried to reassure him again. There wasn't a need for him to push himself like that, not when it was obviously causing him a lot of grief.

"I've been running from this for too long, acting as if it never happened, living a lie and I'm tired of it." Jasper's voice grew louder and stronger with every word that left his lips and I realized that he didn't stutter at all, which I'd noticed that would occur whenever he was overwhelmed with the situation at hand. That small and yet large epiphany must have given him some kind of strength or inner courage. Only that could explain why fear didn't lace his words as he spoke in time and clearly.

"I just need to ask you to do one thing for me," he said.

"Anything, Jasper, you know that," I answered him, wanting to get it into his head that he could ask anything of me.

"Please allow me to turn around as I take off my shirt. I just need to... to work up to it. I've just never showed someone else willingly and… I'm afraid."

Pushing myself up off the ground to stand face-to-face with him, I gently took hold of his face. If ever there was a moment to show him that I was always going to be there for him it was at that moment in time. Using my thumb, I wiped a single tear drop that had formed in the corner of his right eye before kissing both of his eyes as he closed them shut. Following suit, I closed mine, taking in the soft and gentleness of the moment. Breathing in, I took in his scent. He smelled of heaven, I really couldn't put a name to it, it was indescribable.

"You're free to do what you want, Jasper," I whispered as I took in the warm honey scent of his breath as it washed over my face. "Please don't try and make yourself uncomfortable for me, you can take any measures you need." I spoke in hushed tones as I rubbed the tip of my nose with his. My fingers gently grazed the skin of his face. Pulling away, I couldn't help but smile as I gently turned him around. "Go on, baby, I'll be here when you turn around," I whispered as I kissed the top of his head before sitting back down on the ground.

**JPOV**

He called me baby. I felt like my tongue was going to swell to double its size and stop me from speaking ever again. Life really was as unpredictable as my mama said. I loved my mama so very much. She didn't turn her back on me like the rest of my family did from both my mother and my... father's side. I felt like I was going to start dry heaving at the fact that I called that man my father and yet that's exactly who he was, my father.

I had to do what I was planning right then or forever lose the courage to do so.

Closing my eyes, I tried to pull on Edward's aura. He's the reason that I was standing there right then, coherent and on my feet. A confrontation with my past like that would have floored me the day before. If anyone had asked me to show them my scars even that very morning it would have resulted in hysterical cries and me hiding out in my room for days. Though I did cry when Edward asked me to show him back at his house I didn't do the latter. Or rather, Edward had stopped me from running.

I really was a lucky guy. I couldn't believe how quickly my life had changed.

Just that morning I had woken up, showered and plastered my hair down with gel to hide my curls. I remembered how much my father had insulted me about them. I had inherited my mother's hair and not his dark hair that he kept cropped. After hiding my curls, I dressed in one of my endless supply of long-sleeved plaid shirts before heading down stairs to have breakfast with my mama.

Who could have guessed that my life would have spiraled out of control as soon as I reached the school grounds? My head was still spinning from it.

Edward was the reason that I'd found myself with the courage to go on with what I had to do; I just couldn't continue to live the life that I had been living up until that point.

Taking a deep breath, I slowly raised my hands to the collar of my shirt and went down button by button, unfastening them from their little flaps. A cool breeze blew through the open meadow sending shivers up my spine. I had to take another deep breath before I dropped my shirt to the ground. My cream colored skin looked perfectly fine from the back; I was unharmed there, untouched. I couldn't say that same for my chest or my abdomen. I took another deep breath before turning around to face Edward.

He couldn't hide the sudden change of mood from his face. I'd bet, judging from my unscathed back, he thought that it wouldn't be as bad as it really was.

Edward stood from the ground, rushing to me in a matter of seconds.

"Oh God, Jasper… how? How can he…? What did he do?" he almost shouted as he looked at me. He squinted his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to control himself.

"Edward, please," I begged as I grabbed his hand. He was yelling vulgarities and threats about what he'd do to my father if he ever showed his face 'round those parts again. That wasn't what I needed, not right then.

It was amazing how he felt so protective of me, it warmed my heart to know that I could feel protected in his arms, but as appreciative as I was about that, I just needed him to listen.

"Please, Edward, just listen to me… I-I-I just have to get it all out now that I've exposed myself to you," I begged as I looked into his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Jasper," he crooned as he wrapped his arms around my waist, his face gently caressing mine as whispered into my ear. "I'm sorry, baby, I'll behave. I just… I just saw red when I saw the burns on your skin. How did he… how did he do it?" Edward asked as he once again pulled me down into his arms as he had done earlier.

"There are so many rumors about what actually happened to me. It doesn't really bother me; I pretty much let people think what they want to think about me and my mama. Ever since that day, we were pretty much shunned from society. I wasn't even allowed to go into church and pray for my mama when she was sick. The people looked at me with such disgust and then pushed me out the door after taking a few steps inside, but that's beside the point.

"After cleaning myself up, it took me about an hour to walk out my door. I was scared and prayed non-stop that he would listen to me and forget what he saw but when I walked out, he wasn't there. He was barely at home for the next week, working extra hours at the office and only coming home to fight with my mother. He screamed at her and blamed her for how I was."

Jasper took another deep breath before he continued. "He screamed that she had coddled me too much, that she had made me into a dirty fairy and that he wished he wasn't my father. Every night the fights grew worse and I couldn't stand it. The night that this happened the screams were coming from their room and I heard him slap her around. She begged and pleaded for him to stop, she groveled but he just wouldn't quit. The sound of her screams as his hand made contact with her face echoed through the house.

"I was afraid and I didn't know what to do. I was taught from childhood that I wasn't allowed into their bedroom. I tried covering my ears as she screamed for him to stop and soon her cries ended. Then he..." I cried as I pushed myself forward with the story. My neck was wet from the tears that I knew were streaming down Edward's face. He held me tighter as his hands rubbed up and down my arms, comforting me so I could continue.

"Then he walked into my room. 'This is all your fault,' he screamed at me as he whipped me with his thick leather belt. 'You're a worthless piece of shit,' he yelled as he got on top of me, kneeling on my arms to stop me from getting away as I'd been trying to do. His fists made contact with my face again and again as my screams were becoming more and more muffled by the blood that was flowing in my mouth, and then…" My voice hitched as I remembered what he did to me.

"And then he got off the bed as I heard heavy footsteps enter my room. I felt another body on top of me; he was strong, heavy and smelled of cigars and liquor. My father laughed as I cried, begging him to get that man off of me. His only reply was, 'but you're a dirty fairy, boy, and dirty fairies love cock. I'm just giving you what you want you sick little fucker.' He laughed as I heard the door to my room close." I cried as I gently shied away from Edward's embrace. His arms only made the flashbacks that much more real.

I was relieved that Edward didn't try and pull me into his arms; he must have guessed what had happened to me. My cries became muffled as my face hit the ground, crying in agony as my fists hit the floor. "I begged him to stop, Edward… I begged him to… but he wouldn't listen to me."

Suddenly I needed Edward's embrace more than ever. I pulled myself back into his arms and I cried into his chest as he hugged me tight. We lay there for a while as I cried and cried, ruining another one of his shirts with my tears and runny nose, all the while his hands ran up and down my back, calming me.

When I was finally able to, I continued. "After he finished and left my room and more than likely my house, my father came back in. The smell of smoke followed him as it filled my room. 'I bet you loved that, didn't you?' he asked as he looked down at my naked, bloodied body. Through my puffed bruised eyes, I was able to see humor on his face as he looked at my body and saw the bruises that I had received as the man violated me. 'You disgust me,' came his voice as he blew smoke into my face. 'Your mother left me, that's what she said before I beat her for talking back to me.' He shrugged as if it was part of a normal conversation. 'It doesn't matter, she's about as worthless as you.'

"He grinned as he crept closer to my face. 'I won't be back after tonight; I just have one more thing to do.' He laughed as he removed the cigarette from his mouth and he spent the next few minutes lighting cigarettes and putting them out on my body. He had stuck a sock into my mouth to muffle my screams as I continued to beg him to stop." I cried as my hands almost seemed to claw at Edward's body. I couldn't seem to get close enough to him.

"Why, Edward?" I cried in agony. "He was my father... I loved him... Why did he do this to me? Why? What did I do?" I demanded as I was going into hysterics. Edward tried to comfort me as my breathing struggled. My hands frantically moved over my chest, down my sides, patting the pockets of my pants as I looked for my inhaler. It had reached to a full blown panic attack by that time and I couldn't seem to talk.

"Inhal… Inhal..." I tried saying inhaler as I looked at Edward who was panicking himself, trying to help to calm me before everything went dark.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I know things have gotten really dark and heavy in this chapter. Now you can see why I didn't want to write it down and merely skip it but Jasper wanted to me tell it though. He wanted his story out and I had to do what he wanted. I love these boys very much, I hope you do as well. I ask that you guys please send a review, these boys really would appreciate it. :) Thank you again for reading and allowing these boys a place in your hearts.


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